Week Two: An adventure of sorts

This week has been a "mixed feelings-kind of" week.

Some days were great, while others were simply horrible.

To start off with the good, basically Monday to Wednesday all went well with school. In Biology, surprisingly I understand the gist of what is going on. English, I have made some progress with this New Criticism project. Math, simple as pie (well SOH CAH TOA that is). The only thing that I'm weary with is the fact that I have still not received the confirmation e-mail for my online courses. But the Guidance Counselor said that come Monday, she's going to sort it all out and instead register me in Adult Ed, which is essentially like online except you do the work on paper and drop it off at an office.

In addition, last week I cleaned my room and to my surprise I found a numerous amounts of things that made me feel overzealous joy. My calligraphy sets  (including two feather quills three bottles of ink, and 24 ink cartridges); approximately 6 bags of Skittles (yes I know, it's quite sad); and my track and field awards. By me finding these things, I was met with feelings of pure joy. Even though it was something so little to the average person, to me finding those things reminded me of who I am as a person. My uniqueness still exists, despite what my mind keeps telling me. 


However, within a matter of seconds I ended up losing all of my happiness and motivation to do anything. Even my homework (which I still haven't done yet).


On another note, I went for my first psych session on Thursday. First of all I was late, which didn't really set the tone off right. The session consisted of me learning how do deal with my anxiety through simple, yet effective ways. However, it was a pretty quick session and to be honest, I don't really know how I feel about all this. My plan is to go to my next two sessions to see if I find any sort of release from my current emotional prison. If so, I will continue to keep seeing him. If not, then I will bring to attention the fact that I would best be suited seeing another psychologist.


After my appointment, my mother and I went out to dinner. She confronted me and said "Look at me...What's wrong?" She knows me better than anyone else. And she can easily tell when something is wrong. I believe that she has a "sixth sense" or something that tells her when I am in trouble. "You have been disorganized and you haven't talked to me since school started." she proceeded to say. After about a 5 minute long silent treatment, I proceeded to tell her everything that was wrong. With school, my social life, the breakup with my boyfriend. I won't tell you everything I said, just because some of them are private. But after a long talk, I soon came to terms about all of it and realized that it was nothing to be upset over.


This caused me to go on an adventure of sorts. Not an adventure that most would depict as "normal" or even interesting. Inside my mind I went deep into my sub-conscious mind and uncovered thoughts and feelings that I never thought I had before. A revelation of sorts. All of the things that were bothering me and the thoughts that accompanied them started racing through my mind. At that time I began to realize, "Why am I even thinking about these things?"

What made it all worth it though was what happened today. I was sitting in bed, with the darkness that was surrounding me. Both physically and emotionally. All of a sudden I hear the creak of my door. Too uninterested to even look up, I sat there thinking to myself "I wonder who that could be? Mom coming to bitch me out about something I didn't do? Or Dad to come harass me about eating something (after not eating for 3 days straight). To my surprise, no. It was my sister. Standing in the doorway, holding a plate of buckwheat pancakes with maple syrup staring at me. She proceeded to walk in and say "Here". She handed the plate to me. I took it with great confusion. I said "What?". She responded "I made extra and nobody wanted them so there you go." When she said that I soon came to terms about it. The reason why she decided to do that kind gesture. She knew I was feeling depressed



My motto of the week:
"The simple things in life end up making it all worth living"